Winter
by tigrelily405
Summary: Scorpius tried to act emotionless and cold, but a peek inside his head proves different. He's hiding things deep down, keeping secrets and trivial worries hidden within and its driving him mad. Scorpius narration.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Winter has always been my favorite season. Some may find this a bit odd. Why, they ask, would you like a time when there is no sunshine, no warmth? My reply confounds all, which pleases me greatly. "It's easier to hide." Hide from what, you ask? The dark secrets the sun drags from the depths of forests and reveals to the world. See, he's not that frightening, the sun says. He's not all he's cracked up to be. On the contrary, winter guards secrets behind a gate, sealed and impenetrable to the outside; hides the secrets that cower in the darkest corners of that forest, fearing the sun. Confused yet? Good. That means we're getting somewhere.

This may seem irrelevant, but it isn't. I am winter; hiding things deep within. There are secrets I must not disclose, must not even hint to. There is the pain that I must shield. My cold exterior frightens the weak, sending them far away. No one wishes to be locked inside with the secrets, my envious secrets who lash out at those who are free.

Never does my season end. There are blizzards and storms raging within. Once in a while the spring comes and the snowstorms calm. The ice begins to melt. But spring is no match for winter, which overtakes it once more, pushes it far away. The only one who can make my winter end is the sun, which comes with the summer. Sadly the summer stays far from winter, fearing it too will become sad and cold. Without the summer there is nothing which can warm my frost-bitten heart. And thus my secrets have forever been hidden, and my winter shall last a lifetime.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

"Malfoy!"

I heard my name being called but didn't bother to turn around. I could tell by the voice exactly who it was and knew they would be able to catch up. Just as I'd expected Chastin Zabini appeared at my side.

"I can't believe you weren't made head boy!"

"You were much better suited." I said, attempting to sound sincere. My lone male ally, Zabini enjoyed the amenities of my civility and empathy.

"Really? You're the best, mate."

"Yup." I said, "However, I am a bit peeved that I won't have the pleasure of sharing living quarters with the lovely Miss Weasley."

Chastin took a moment to look shocked, but once he realized the joke I'd made, he laughed. "She's not all bad, I'm sure!"

"Neither are dragons, but I'm not lining up to purchase an egg to raise, am I?"

"You can't compare Miss Weasley to dragons!"

"Sure I can. Name one difference between the two."

"Hm," he said, pausing as we parted to walk around two nervous first years. I remembered how it was back then, trying to act calm while I was terrified. Bumping into James Potter and getting my hair turned pink. Those were the days.

"Weasley doesn't breathe fire." He finally said.

"That may be so, but smoke sure does shoot from her ears."

"She's never been angry a day in her life!"

"I beg to differ. Every time I'm in her presence something seems to irk her."

Chastin laughed, warranting a frown from me. "Because you're around!"

"I'm not sure why it'd matter to that minger if I was around or not. When I see her, I hardly notice she's there unless she gets in the way."

"Oh hush, you nutter! Say all you'd like but you must admit she's soft on the eyes."

Never. I would never let the words pass my lips that the slag was even the least bit pretty. "I hope I don't see her now for I'd like to keep my nosh, thanks."

"Blimey Malfoy, why is it that you hate her so much?"

"I don't." There was no way in all hell that I was going to tell him, so I'm not certain why he bothered to ask. I had hated Rose Weasley since I was twelve years old and as far as I was concerned, I would hate her for the rest of my life. There was no petty dispute, no half-arsed reason for why I felt the way I did. What Rose had done changed my world, took everything away from me. I was not all that certain that she knew what she'd done, and maybe I was being a bit dramatic, but that mattered little to me.

Chastin was preparing to say something clever to brass me off no doubt when the devil herself sprouted from the woodwork before us. "I've been looking for you, Zabini." She said, entirely composed until she spotted me beside him. She nodded at me. "Malfoy."

I ignored her.

"What'd you need?" he asked her, attempting to end the awkward silence.

"I-um…"

I made her nervous, and it pleased me. "You may speak, Weasel."

"I don't need your permission!" she said, I could tell it hadn't come out as sternly as she had hoped. Her cheeks began turning a violent shade of red.

"Is that so?"

"Zabini, there are Head duties we must attend to…"

"Try not to have too much fun, mate." I said, patting Chastin on the back. "Sounds like she's a bit randy. Maybe you can do all of the Prefects afterwards, eh Weasel?"

Rose shot me a stunned look, then turned and stormed away. I yelled out, calling her a few choice words, then turned and headed in the opposite direction. Chastin stayed rooted to the spot, feeling like the awkward middle-man like usual and not sure what to do. "I-I'll see you in the morning Malfoy!"

I said nothing.

I took the long way down to the dungeons. While there is nothing I would rather have done than sit in the Common Room and chat up a dozen or so first years, I was in no humor to do so. I had just descended the spiraling stairs into the dungeon when I was spotted. Victoria had been walking towards the potions room, which was across from the stairs I had just come from.

"There you are, Scorpius." She said, giving me a stern look. "Where the dickens have you been? I've been sulking around waiting for you for ages!"

I laughed, shrugging. "Got lost on the way down."

"Did Zabini get ahold of you again?"

"Of course."

Victoria shook her head and sighed. "That lad, I tell you. Sometimes I wonder if he's not better suited for Hufflepuff."

"He couldn't be, at least they're good finders. Zabini can barely find his own mind each morning."

She smiled at me, and tugged on my arm for me to walk with her. "You're in a good mood." The door to the potions room opened easily when she bumped it with her hip.

"Not completely." I admitted.

She peeked around behind me, though it was useless because the door had already closed. "Where is that git anyway?"

"He was beckoned away for Head duties."

She scoffed, "I don't know how that idio- oh. She was there?"

I nodded, leaning against a table and crossing my arms. It was dark, so Victoria lit a few of the candles around the room for light. Once it was more illuminated, I saw that she was frowning.

"What did you say?" she asked.

I watched as she hopped up and slid herself onto the table across from me. She was rather short, and her legs swung back and forth in the open space. I often commented on how adorable her height was, earning myself a nice knock on the jaw, as she could barely reach my head. "I had the intention of remaining silent during the duration of our encounter."

"But…" she ushered.

"But, I took one look at her and started off."

"Scorpius Hyperion, you leave that sad, homely girl be!" As she was my best mate since I was born, naturally Victoria knew why I disliked Miss Weasley so. "What'd you say to her, exactly?"

"At some point I may have implied upon her slagginess."

"You called her a slag? Again?"

"I don't remember, I try to forget my meetings with her as soon as possible."

"You do know that girl has never even seen herself naked a day in her life, let alone someone else."

"Oh I'm sure her and Potter used to spank each other around when they were wee ones."

"Now he's never done anything to you. And you can't say that he has."

"It doesn't _matter_; he's related to that bint and his dick-head of a brother, James."

Victoria climbed down from the table and walked over to me. I closed my eyes so she couldn't read any of my emotions. I'm not sure if that worked, but I did it all the time. Next thing I know, I felt her punching me in the side. "Stop, Parkinson."

But the strikes did not relent. She kept hitting me until I opened my eyes. "You stop being in such a foul mood, Scorpius Malfoy, at least to me."

"I'm not in a 'foul mood'." I said, and she hit me again. "Fine, I'm sorry."

"Good." She said, "But you should really go a bit easier on her this year. No girl likes to be hated by a bloke; it's the worst."

"Since when are you Miss Congeniality?" I asked, earning another blow to the chest.

"I'm not." She said, finally leaving me be.

Victoria was acting rather strange, and I couldn't tell why, as I was usually able to. With her being so close to me, I noted her eyes darting around towards the door, and she was bouncing on her feet. "What were you coming in here for, anyway? Before you ran into me."

"I was looking for you." She said, just the smallest bit too quickly. Something was up. Secrets were not allowed in our friendship. I would have asked her blatantly what she was up to, but all I really wanted to do was to go to my dormitory and sulk.

"In the potions room?" I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and yawned.

"I, well, I needed to get something in here and…you look exhausted, you should go lie down."

"What is it you were looking for, I'll help you find it and we can both go back together."

"Scorpius Malfoy, must you be so nosy? I'm meeting a friend in here if you _must_ know everything!"

"A friend?" I asked, my stomach dropped at the thought of Victoria meeting up with some bloke. She was like my sister, and although she had a few months on me, I felt like her older, wiser brother. I wanted to protect her, though she needed no protection. "I like making friends."

She tugged on my arm and attempted to drag me to the door. I could have resisted but I was so tired that I didn't particularly care that much. "You get out of here, _now._ And don't you come back here and spy on me either."

"You're lucky I'm sleepy because I would have."

She glared at me, but stopped tugging. "This is important to me, Scorpy."

I felt her fingers trembling on my arm, and realized that she was gripping me now out of nervousness. "What's the matter, Tor?"

"Just nervous is all." She said, taking her hands off of me and crossing them across her chest.

"It's a bloke, of course."

"Yes."

"You like him?"

"I suppose so, yes."

"Will you tell me who it is?"

"Never." She said, smiling. "But I shall tell you what happens, _everything_, if you leave now."

"Everything but a name."

"Yes, so go."

I rolled my eyes and let her push me out the door into the hall. I headed for the Slytherin commons, and was almost there when my over-protectiveness got the better of me. I hurried back to the potion classroom, hiding a few doors down so I had a view of whoever would come down from the spiral stairs. I only had to wait for maybe five minutes before a tall figure emerged. It was dark, and I didn't want to emerge from the shadows and reveal myself, so I strained to see his face. All I could make out was messy dark hair before he opened the door and disappeared into the room with Victoria. _My_ best pal. For a moment, I thought I knew who it was. But that was too ridiculous, not even Tor would stoop that low. Besides, she knew how angry that would make me. Ridiculous.

I eased my worries by reassuring myself that there was no way that they could know each other, and that there were hundreds of kids with dark hair at Hogwarts. When I was sure that they wouldn't emerge and catch me walking away, I left from my hiding spot and hurried off to go to sleep. As I lay in bed, sulking as I had planned, my mind wandered to who I had thought it had been sneaking around with Victoria. I laughed out loud at the idea alone.

Still, I couldn't sleep until I heard the wall to the common room open and let her inside.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

I had to wait until dinner to hear anything at all about Victoria's mystery lad. Every time I tried to bring it up in class she shushed me. During the last few classes, when I brought it up she pinched me hard on the arm. When the evening post came during dinner, Victoria stowed her letter away quickly into her bag.

"Aren't you going to open that?" I asked, assuming it was from her parents.

"Not right now." She said.

I looked at her, and noticed the corner of her mouth twitching. "I'm guessing last night went on well, then?"

"Shush your big mouth!"

"That's it." I said, putting down my half eaten roll. "You either tell me about it right now, or I'll stand up on the table and demand he reveal himself."

"You'll do no such thing."

"Oh?" I said, rising from my seat and putting a foot on the bench. She pulled me down violently, but I had already caught the attention of several people from the Gryffindor table. I noticed that Weasley sat with them even though she was in Ravenclaw. Probably because Albus was her only friend. I made a face at them.

"If you _must_ know," she said, lowering her voice, "it went quite well."

"Aw, Tor's got a snogging buddy."

"We didn't snog, you git. He's quite the gentleman; all we did was talk."

"For some reason I find that hard to believe."

"Be skeptical if you wish." Victoria swirled her pinky around in her cup of pumpkin juice, lost to her memories. It was so uncharacteristic of her that it made me vaguely ill. "Where's Zabini?"

"Who knows, he probably got lost somewhere." I looked up when I heard a bit of rustling, and saw quite a few kids getting up to leave. I took that as my cue. "I'm going to go in the library for a bit."

"Would you like for me to go with you?" she asked.

"No, I'll go alone." I replied, taking one last bite of food before standing up. I pat her on the top of her head and hurried off before she could try and hit me.

For some reason the corridors were cluttered with groups of students, so I tried to take the paths no one used. I wasn't one for all the noise and scrambling about of my peers. They wandered around the castle without aim, seemingly just to get in my way or bother me. Don't get me wrong; I'm rather rambunctious when it's just me and Tor or when I've had a bit to drink. If I acted like that around everyone, people would trouble the hell out of me at all times. Being cold drives people away, and that is what I want. I'd prefer not to become friends with dim, snot-nosed juveniles. I'm not an anti-social, I swear.

The library was warmer than usual, and I didn't like it. Warmth attracted kids like flies to rotten meat. Maybe that isn't the best thing, comparing a library to rotten meat.

Anyway, contrary to my fears there weren't many people in the library. Those that were present I recognized as kids too shy to talk to me. That was fine with me. I made my way to the back of the library, to a table where I usually sat. I froze when I heard voices, preparing something to say to scare them off. There was a sob, and a whispered response followed. I knew those voices, damn it.

As quietly as possible, I walked into the nook adjacent to my usual one and stuck my ear against the bookcase separating the two. A kid walking by stopped and stared at me, and I waved him off until he went back to the front. I could barely hear their muffled voices, but what I heard was enough.

"Did-did you hear-" said the sobbing girl.

"He doesn't mean it." That voice I was certain of; Zabini's voice rose up a few octaves when he was excited, nervous, happy, sad, concerned, trying to give advice, etc.

"You know he does! I don't know what I did, it's been like this for so long."

"He never told me-"

"- my darling friend. I liked him so much and then-"

"You two were friends?"

I'd heard enough. I rounded the corner to face them, and any nervousness I felt disappeared when I saw their expressions. It was like I fed off of fear. Weasley's face was all red and puffy, and deep down it bothered me, so I didn't look. Instead, I glared intently at Chastin. There were so many things I _wanted _to say, but all that came out was, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I came in here earlier and she was just crying away…"

I ran my hands through my hair. What had I become? Yelling at my friends just for helping someone out… I'd changed so much over the past five years, my twelve year old self would be disgusted with who I'd become. Hell, I was disgusted. If my mum knew how I acted at school, she would have hexed me to oblivion. I was always taught to be kind and chivalrous. My mum always read me muggle stories about King Arthur, and told me she wanted me to be like a knight. Growing up, I always strove to be a gentleman. Sorry mum, but that part of me died when I was twelve.

"And _you."_ I said, looking at her. She had been staring at me, but now she glanced away. I found it too hard and decided to study the floor instead. "Don't you go around telling people we used to be mates. It's embarrassing enough knowing you, being friends with you is inexcusable." My hands shook, so I shoved them in my pockets. I hated talking to her.

Her eyes watered up even more, but she looked at me with pure hatred. "You are the most heartless person I have ever met, Scorpius Malfoy. You're cruel, and vicious and cold, and you care of no one but yourself. Your fath-"

She's lucky she stopped where she did. Otherwise, I would have been shipped off to Azkaban that night. "Yeah, tell me something I don't know." I said, turning and storming off.

"Do you remember nothing?" she cried out, and I heard Chastin trying to comfort her. I paused, tempted to go back. How many times had I gone through this? The years hadn't made it any easier. I would yell, she cried. Sometimes she yelled back. I'd leave, or she'd leave. I was always temped to go to her and ask her why she didn't remember what she'd done. Ask her if she was playing some cruel trick. But I never did.

I hoped Chastin knew I wasn't really mad at him. Once I cooled down I'd be fine. I decided I'd make it up to him somehow, and he had better forgive me. I needed to talk to someone, and bad. The only person I was ever willing to talk to, though, was probably off with her soon to be shag buddy and didn't have time for me anymore. Thus, despite it being only eight o'clock, I headed to the dungeons to play chess and cheat some first years out of their sweets. Being an arse-hole always made me hungry for sweets. Treacle tarts especially.

**AN: Triple posting tonight because I have nothing better to do! Next chapter should be up in the next couple of days! DiedLaughing, thanks for the review! There will be more detail, I'm just kind of setting everything up. ^_^. **


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